1. |
Different States
07:22
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I’ve lived in different states
And seen so much in many different ways
I’ve been other people
A series of experiences retold
I love driving through
The country, where landscapes feel new
Even if I’ve traveled these roads
These highways and interstates never get old
I know I’ve no control
So if I focus, I can feel my soul
Expanding, reaching further
Out into the center of the universe
And it is bright, and it is elation
It is beyond infinite imagination
I’m slowly learning
That I don’t have to worry
Where am I going next?
What’s coming for me?
When am I gonna be
In the wrong place, at the wrong time?
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2. |
Everything Is Happening
03:47
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The fear’s gonna come again
Just when I think it’s gone
I know that something’s wrong
Whether it’s comfort or alarm I invent
The fear’s gonna come again
That there’s nothing to be
Just as I part with the last of me
That’s when everything is happening
And there’s nothing to feel
And there’s nothing to be
Except in line for my expiry
I take in the weight of living
And I can’t take any of it with me
Nor will I know all that might be
When I take my turn for my expiry
The fear’s gonna come again
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3. |
The Rabbit
02:39
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I was eight years old
I was coming from school
I got off at my stop
In the middle of the afternoon
I was with my friends
And kids who rode with us
We played tag in the morning
Waiting for the bus
We were walking
To our complex up an asphalt path
I saw the rabbit on the street
Its skull cracked open, lying on its back
Its brain was spilling
Out of the top of its head
It was the first I had seen
A once-living creature dead
There was no peace
There was no ceremony
I saw something empty
Now there’s no way of unknowing
The rabbit looked to the sky
The rabbit looked into my eyes
I want to look away
But I can’t break the gaze
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4. |
In Passing
04:07
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In passing, I heard sound
In passing, I saw lights
In passing, I found friends
In passing, I picked fights
Nothing feels like it’s mine
In passing, I learned to laugh
In passing, I met brilliant minds
In passing, I have lived life
In passing, I watched others leave it behind
And other inevitabilities with time
Sometimes I feel as though it never happened
And, for all I know, maybe it didn’t
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5. |
Stranger
08:58
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Hey stranger, won’t you come closer
We don’t know each other yet
But that can be undone
That can be undone
Hey stranger, I saw you turn my way
It wasn’t only a fleeting glance
Rather, it was deliberate
It was deliberate
Hey stranger, I heard a disembodied voice
In my ears, off of your lips
Guiding me outside myself
Guiding me outside myself
I want to see
Your perfect face
I want to hear
Each perfect word you say
Under surges
Under raining lights that f pour
Under walls of sound
Under the noise I ignore
I want to feel
Your fingers’ grip
I want pressure
Of you pulling my wrist
Into the hinterland
Into the grooving forrest
Into the limbs
Into the ardent and sordid
I want to know
You at your core
I want us to be
All that we adore
Outside humanity
Outside of all hope
Outside our vessels
Outside, and all alone
And it shakes
And it trembles
And it shudders
Throughout dimensions
And it stifles
And I can’t breathe
And it consume
And it’s a release
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6. |
||||
I missed your calls
But I got your message
I didn’t think it would get to me
But I still let it
I needed to be alone
I didn’t want to get too close
Nothing was making sense
But maybe I was just tired
My thoughts weren’t coming together
I couldn’t get a hold of my words
I wish you could’ve been there
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7. |
I Knew You Once
04:27
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Were we ever close
Did I let you in on my secrets
Were you the same in that way
Did you confide in me of your demons
Did what you say matter, big or small
Are you my brother
Am I your keeper
Has it just slipped my mind
Whatever we were
I want to believe you mattered after all
Did I m even see you with sonder
Your mortal passage seen from afar
An unfolding narrative
That was real, but of which I wasn’t a part
I know then, I didn’t matter at all
Except I knew you once
Did we know each other well enough
That you’ll speak for me
That I’ll speak for you?
That you’ve kind memories
That I remember good things too?
I figured we wouldn’t stay in one place
But I never thought you’d fade away
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8. |
Walking Home at Night
03:08
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I don’t see the heavens
But what I see is heavenly
And if I don’t quite ascend
I hope the Earth takes what’s left of me
Perhaps what knowing the truth means
Not seeing aged testaments
But feeling blessed in such enveloping beauty
Even when you’ve reached your end of it
And when you look up wide
Turn your gaze from above, look ahead
Look at others with the same open eyes
Even when it’s hard, just do your best
You don’t need to have the answers
But you should know just how much living can hurt
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9. |
I Don't Want to Worry
05:17
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I want to end these sleepless nights
Wake up tomorrow, where everything is fine
I want to go to work, and run out my shift
And forget that the time I’m wringing out is limited
I want to see my best friend sometime next week
Do whatever comes up, and leaves vague memories
I want to take my brothers and sisters around
Show them the city, have a nice time somehow
I want to have a conversation where
I’m not second-guessing what I said, pulling out my hair
I want the serenity in the universe
To be the gift of a gracious observer
I want to live forever, and never be alone
Find comfort for the same fears every person knows
I want to surrender to the noise
Of the answers to the questions I can’t avoid
I don’t want to worry
Though I still worry
[x4]
Where am I going next?
What’s coming for me?
When am I gonna be
In the wrong place, at the wrong time?
I ought to take more moments
To stand and really notice
Instead of searching
Because there’s no hurry
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10. |
||||
I'm losing the words
I'm losing a loved one
I'm losing my best friend
I'm losing control
I'm losing the energy
I'm losing my focus
I'm losing my patience
I'm losing my faith
And I don't know why I needed to be alone
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11. |
Baptism
04:44
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I went out in the rain
I became confused, and lost my place
I fell to the ground
There was thunder, then no sound
But it was baptism
An almighty flood of remission
The demons left my body
I stood up, and started walking
I’m lighter now
Slowly, and unsure
But I look around
At a loss for words
But under falling clouds
I’m left with wonder
An eye is looking out
For my return
Until then, I want to turn my spirit into my voice
And give it back to the world
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The Split Infinitives Salt Lake City, Utah
Project founded by Holden Martinson and Brian Adkins in 2008.
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